Family gatherings aren’t always easy for kids

Family gatherings are often meant to be fun full of conversation, laughter, and connection. But for many kids, especially those with sensory or regulation differences, these spaces can feel overwhelming almost instantly.

For some kids, their nervous system is already working overtime.

Before anyone even says hello, a lot is happening at once:
New voices.
Background noise.
People moving everywhere.
Lights, smells, and unexpected touch.

When too much information hits the brain at the same time, the nervous system goes into stress mode. And what shows up next isn’t “bad behavior.”

It’s an overwhelmed nervous system doing its best to cope.

From an ABA perspective, behavior is communication. When a child covers their ears, shuts down, cries, or seems “out of control,” they’re not being difficult they’re telling us, “This is too much right now.”

So how can we support regulation during family gatherings?

Shift the goal
Instead of aiming for “good behavior,” shift the goal to helping the child feel safe. Safety comes first. Regulation follows.

Offer choices
Choices give kids a sense of control and lower stress.
Where do you want to sit?
Do you want to stay here or step out for a bit?
Need a break or want to hang out a little longer?

Build in breaks
Quiet moments help reset the nervous system. A quick walk, a calm space, or a low-key activity can make a big difference.

Normalize stepping away
Leaving the room isn’t rude or avoidant it’s a regulation skill. When we normalize breaks, we teach kids that listening to their bodies is okay.

Co-regulate first
Kids borrow our calm. Your tone, body language, and presence matter. Connection comes before correction.

Supporting regulation isn’t lowering expectations.
It’s making participation possible.

Small shifts, more flexibility, more choice, more understanding can turn overwhelming moments into manageable ones. And over time, that creates gatherings that feel safer and more inclusive for everyone.